Abigail Denton

Have you heard the phrase ‘words matter” or any form of that phrase lately? I have seen it pop up in so many areas of my life the last few months. I’ve heard it on social media, I heard it during a class I’m taking at the library (did you know some libraries hosts classes?), I read a book about overthinking, and I just heard it on a podcast. The concept of words speaking life or death is a powerful thing to think through and I’d encourage you to pray and process over it. I’d love to share somethings I’ve been processing lately in light of it.

I’ve been working through some grief and one of the things I’ve been thinking about are the words that have been spoken over me. I’ve been told some things that have seeped into my soul and my heart and caused me so much pain. I’ve had words spoken over my personality, or my gifting, my children or my husband, my talents and my choices, my moods and my limitations. I have recently been grieving all the hurtful things that have been said over my life, but more than that I’ve been grieving that I didn’t know I could reject it.As I process things that have happened to me, I didn’t realize that things spoken over me could be false. I tend to be a trusting and naive person, and I take to heart what people have said to me. The more I heal and the more I process what happened in different spaces, I’m realizing that I can reject a word from someone. I should be rejecting lots of words from people, filtering through them and discerning if they are from God and to be trusted or not and should be rejected. because God speaks over me. And that’s the end of it.

I’d like to give you an example and to do that I’m going to need to get a little vulnerable. I have healed in so many ways from the terrible and abusive things that people have said about it, but in a lot of ways it’s still so fresh. My wounds haven’t totally healed over and I keep revisiting and ripping the scabs off. Healing takes time. I’m going to try and share without triggering past trauma in your own life. So listen softly, taking what speaks to you and leaving the rest.

I have served in churches that have only valued me in light of what I can offer the leadership, specifically the lead pastor and his agenda. I have been given tasks and ministries based on what is “best for the church” but really just means what box the leadership wants me to fit in. I have fulfilled the role of a pastor’s wife and anytime I stepped outside of that box I either got my husband fired or made his job painful and toxic.

I’ve been told before that I’m divisive and cause division and conflict in the church. Not that my actions were causing division, that I was a divisive person. Do you know what that means? What does that speak over my life? That I intentionally break up the unity of the Spirit in the church. It means that I intentionally oppose keeping the peace and who I am gets in the way of the kingdom work God has for the church. I’ve been called crabby and I’m unstable and too emotional. I’ve been told I didn’t love God because I’m reading biographies that are deemed inappropriate for a “good pastor’s wife” and I’m not a good baptist.

All of these things, and many more, have been spoken over my life and until recently I haven’t been strong enough to reject them. Now, I can and I do.

You think I’m divisive, but I reject that for the truth. I will always stand up for the oppressed, regardless of how uncomfortable that makes some people. You think I’m crabby and unstable emotionally, but I reject that for the truth. I am full of big emotions, which makes me very passionate. I love and grieve and serve and counsel with everything I have. I’m all in. I love God with my whole heart and mind and I will read things that make me think through my faith. I have not figured everything out so I will always be learning and growing and discerning what God has to teach me.

When I was younger I had a lot of people speaking into my life. Now, my list is much smaller. I am not a perfect person and past hurt does not give me the right to toss all critique out. I cannot through the baby out with the bath water. The safe people I have in my life are that, safe. They aren’t perfect either. They are relationships that have been grown over time and experiences. All parties drawing close to God and each other, confessing sin and engaging in tricky conversations with humility. These people speak life over my heart, even when what they have to say is hard to hear. I pray that if you find yourself surrounded by lies and evil being spoken over you, you can reject it. You can dismiss it and replace it with truth. I pray if you are in a healthy space and have safe people to support you, you can be a safe person for someone else. You can speak life and healing into someone’s heart.