Mother’s Day has historically been a happy and joyful holiday for me personally. I have a wonderful relationship with my mother. I only have one mother and she birthed me. We’ve had a healthy and happy relationship my whole life. Then I married my husband who has a healthy and happy relationship with his mother. That healthy and happy relationship transferred to me, and I have a wonderful relationship with my mother-in-law. Both my mother and my mother-in-law are alive and well, part of my life today in beautiful ways. When we started to build our own family, I carried and birthed three babies without complications. I have raised my babies in a home that is complete and healthy and without major trauma. From every perspective, I have it good. Amazing, beautiful, and free to bloom.
The older I get though, the more I realize I’m actually a minority when it comes to motherhood. I have never cut off a relationship with my mother. I have a wonderful mother-in-law that I’m close with. I’m not adopted. I’ve never struggled to conceive. I’ve never lost a baby. I’ve carried babies full term and birthed without complications. I have all three of my babies living and growing and they love me. I’ve never had an abortion. But I can name close friends that fall into every single one of those categories. I have friends that don’t have relationships with their adult children. I sat with a friend grieving and mourning while she shared about her abortion. Friends who couldn’t carry their baby full term and walked through NICU trauma. Friends that lost another and another and another child to miscarriage. So much pain associated with the word “mother” and making Mother’s Day complicated and messy for most. I have learned a lot about suffering well through hard times, watching dear souls rejoice with those who rejoice even when their heart is mourning. I have a few thoughts in light of all this that I’d like to share:
I rejoice with those who rejoice. To all those celebrating with their mothers or honoring the lives their mothers lived, I see that blessing and honor that gift from God. I rejoice with you as you praise Jesus for that.
Also, I mourn with those who mourn. To those grieving the loss of relationship with their living children, or the loss of relationship with their living mother. To those mourning the lack of motherhood through miscarriage or abortion or death. To those who haven’t been able to conceive or carry full term. To those who are adopted and don’t know their birth mother, or can’t have a relationship with them. To those caring for someone else’s child, raising them, and trying to build a bridge with a birth mother. There are endless circumstances that cause pain on Mother’s Day and if you don’t hear it anywhere else, hear it now: God sees you and mourns with you. In Genesis 16 we find a part of Hagar’s story. I’d encourage you to read the whole story but to give a little recap she was suffering so much in her circumstances that she ran away. She chose to run into the desert. In a moment of deep and utter pain, God met her. He sent an angel to give her a message from him, encouragement to go back to her life and keep persevering there. He had a purpose for her there in that suffering. Her response in verse 13 is what catches me, she calls God the “God who sees me.” She acknowledges her position before God: known, seen, and loved. You dear friend, are known and seen and loved. God sees you mourning, even if no living soul on earth knows what’s going on.
Today I’d love to leave us all with a challenge.
- If you are rejoicing today, reach out to someone you know who isn’t. Be the friend that sees them and acknowledges their pain. Walk beside them especially today.
- If you are grieving and mourning rest in the peace of God, knowing that He sees your pain and mourns with you. He knows you, He loves you, and He’s with you.
- If you have a hard relationship to deal with today, give all your effort and have grace. Pray for patience and forgiveness and God’s goodness to pour out of you onto whatever difficult relationship you are carrying today.
I’m praying for all of you today to walk through this day in a way that honors God and gives Him glory. Post a lovely picture on social media and praise God for your wonderful and beautiful relationships. Or stay off of social media altogether for the day, avoiding any and all triggers.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Other resources I thought you might find helpful:
https://www.jenwilkin.net/blog/2013/05/showing-honor-on-mothers-day-even-when.html
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/let-joy-and-sadness-mingle-this-mothers-day/
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/the-history-and-tension-of-mothers-day/
Abigail Denton 